Vampires Suck (2010) Poster

Vampires Suck (2010)

  • Rate: 3.3/10 total 22,036 votes 
  • Genre: Comedy
  • Release Date: 18 August 2010 (USA)
  • Runtime: 82 min
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Vampires Suck (2010)


Vampires Suck 2010tt1666186.jpg poster

  • IMDb page: Vampires Suck (2010)
  • Rate: 3.3/10 total 22,036 votes 
  • Genre: Comedy
  • Release Date: 18 August 2010 (USA)
  • Runtime: 82 min
  • Filming Location: Bossier City, Louisiana, USA
  • Budget: $20,000,000(estimated)
  • Gross: $36,658,108(USA)(7 November 2010)
  • Stars: Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter and Diedrich Bader
  • Original Music By: Christopher Lennertz   
  • Soundtrack: All Thru the Nite
  • Sound Mix: Dolby | DTS | Dolby Digital
  • Plot Keyword: Teenager | Prom | Friend | Spoof | Vampire Versus Werewolf

Writing Credits By:

  • Jason Friedberg (written by) &
  • Aaron Seltzer (written by)

Known Trivia

  • The Iphone Jennifer uses to show Becca Edward Sullen’s Facebook profile is Anneliese van der Pol’s personal phone.
  • Buffy The Vampire Slayer makes a cameo in one scene. The cover of the October 1, 1999 issue of Entertainment Weekly featured Sarah Michelle Gellar, as Buffy, wearing a sleeveless blouse with “Vampires Suck” written all over it.
  • The voice-over artists, who dubbed the German version of the original Twilight movies, did the dubbing for their corresponding parts in this film.
  • A few of the bikini-clad extras during the graduation ceremony scene are members of the Texas Bikini Team.

Goofs: Continuity: Derric meets Becca in the school corridor and opens his backpack, it doesn't close completely when he puts it on his back. In the next scene, the backpack is closed.

Plot: A spoof of vampire-themed movies, where teenager Becca finds herself torn between two boys. As she and her friends wrestle with a number of different dramas, everything comes to a head at their prom.  »

Story: A spoof of vampire-themed movies, where teenager Becca finds herself torn between two boys. As she and her friends wrestle with a number of different dramas, everything comes to a head at their prom.


Synopsis: Becca Crane (Jenn Proske) moves to Sporks to live with her clueless father, Sheriff Frank (Diedrich Bader), after her mother starts an affair with Tiger Woods. Meanwhile, killings have been happening to random people and the number one suspects are the Kardashians. Becca is quickly befriended by many students at her new high school, including Jennifer (Anneliese van der Pol) but she is intrigued by the mysterious and aloof Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter), who perplexes her during their time in the biology class, despite thinking she smells of tuna.

Later, Becca is nearly struck by a van in the school parking lot. Edward inexplicably moves from several feet away and stops the vehicle by thrusting another student in its path without any harm to himself or Becca (the other student is very badly injured). He later refuses to explain this act to Becca and warns her against befriending him. After much research, she tells Edward that she knows what he is, but reaches the wrong conclusion that he is a Jonas Brother. Edward corrects her, saying he is a vampire but that he only consumes animal blood, and shows her the shiny bling he wears under his clothes. The pair fall in love, and he introduces Becca to his vampire family on her birthday. While unwrapping a gift, Becca gets a paper cut, causing Edward’s family to go into a blood frenzy and try to kill her before Edward fights them off. Realizing the danger that he and his family pose to Becca, Edward ends their relationship while saving her from the one of the three nomadic vampires who have been killing humans, Jack (Charlie Weber), by knocking his head off with a baseball bat. Jack’s head flies through Sheriff Frank’s car window, and he blames the Kardashians.

Edward’s departure leaves Becca heartbroken for months (and screaming for hours), and she discovers that thrill-seeking activities and attempted suicides evoke Edward’s preserved image. She is also comforted by her deepening friendship with Jacob White (Christopher N. Riggi), the cheerful childhood friend who eases her pain over losing Edward. When Becca is accosted in the woods by another of the nomadic vampires (the third not appearing, as she was recast), Jacob transforms into a Chihuahua as his werewolf pack arrives to save her.

Meanwhile, Edward has moved to Rio de Janeiro and is now dating Lady Gaga to get over losing Becca. When his sister arrives and tells him that, with her gift of prophecy, she has seen Becca kill herself, Edward becomes depressed and decides to provoke the "Zolturi", a powerful vampire coven, by exposing himself in the sunlight at ‘St. Salvatore’s day’ school prom and forcing them to kill him for revealing that vampires exist. His sister has another vision of Becca’s survival as he leaves, but she is unable to warn him.

Edward’s sister arrives at Becca’s house in her Porsche 911, and tells her she has to save Edward by showing him she is still alive. Jacob appears and demands that Becca choose between him and Edward, but just before she announces her decision he is distracted by a cat and runs off to chase it. Upon arriving at the prom, Becca is caught between the warring factions of Edward fangirls and Jacob fangirls. She is unable to reach Edward before he exposes himself, figuratively and literally. However, twilight occurs (followed by a new moon and an eclipse), concealing Edward’s vampire nature as Becca gets him to safety. But after a fight between him and the Zolturi leader, Daro (Ken Jeong), Edward is forced to make Becca into a vampire or else he will be killed horribly. He agrees to do so only on the condition that she marry him, which she accepts.

The film concludes with Edward taking a blow to the head from the head Jacob fangirl, who shouts "Team Jacob, bitch!" Edward survives the blow, and the girl is attacked by the newly-vampirized Becca.


FullCast & Crew

Produced By:

  • Jason Friedberg known as producer
  • Jerry P. Jacobs known as co-producer
  • Arnon Milchan known as executive producer
  • Hal Olofsson known as co-producer
  • Peter Safran known as producer
  • Aaron Seltzer known as producer

FullCast & Crew:

  • Jenn Proske known as Becca Crane
  • Matt Lanter known as Edward Sullen
  • Diedrich Bader known as Frank Crane
  • Chris Riggi known as Jacob White (as Christopher N. Riggi)
  • Ken Jeong known as Daro
  • Anneliese van der Pol known as Jennifer
  • David DeLuise known as Fisherman Scully
  • Kelsey Ford known as Iris
  • Dave Foley known as Principal Smith
  • Matthew Warzel known as John
  • Jeff Witzke known as Dr. Carlton
  • Crista Flanagan known as Eden
  • Nick Eversman known as Jeremiah
  • Zane Holtz known as Alex
  • Stephanie Fischer known as Rosalyn
  • Michael Hanson known as Rick
  • Jun Hee Lee known as Derric
  • Arielle Kebbel known as Rachel
  • B.J. Britt known as Antoine
  • Charlie Weber known as Jack
  • Mike Mayhall known as Nicholas (as Michael Mayhall)
  • Bradley Dodds known as Salvatore
  • Emily Brobst known as June
  • Rett Terrell known as Max
  • Randal Reeder known as Biker Dude
  • Leo Fabian known as Gross Biker Dude
  • Dana Seltzer known as Gossip Girl (voice)
  • Amanda Jacobs known as Team Edward Girl (as Mandy Jacobs)
  • Krystal Mayo known as Buffy the Vampire Slayer
  • Marissa Cavazos known as Team Jacob Girl #1
  • Sarah Colbert known as Team Jacob Girl #2
  • Ryan Glorioso known as Science Teacher
  • Bryan Philip Cruz known as Chinese Food Delivery Guy
  • Adia Garrett known as Mean Girl
  • Marcelle Baer known as Hot Girl
  • Alyssa Overbeck known as Trendy Girl
  • Nick Gomez known as Jacob's Pack #1
  • Nedal Yousef known as Jacob's Pack #2 (as Nedal 'Ned' Yousef)
  • Rodrigo Lloreda known as Jacob's Pack #3
  • John Franklin known as Jacob's Pack #4
  • Celeste Roberts known as Matronly Faculty Member
  • Greg Washington known as Photographer
  • Michelle Lang known as Innocent Woman
  • Valerie Morgan known as Woman in Line
  • Sara Blanche known as Pretty Blonde
  • Parker Dash known as Drunken Festival Goer
  • Jude Gavi known as Prom Faculty
  • Michael C. 'Mike' Allen known as Pedestrian (uncredited)
  • Ike Barinholtz known as Bobby White (uncredited)
  • Helena Barrett known as Alice (uncredited)
  • Charlotte Biggs known as Prom Goer (uncredited)
  • Laine Dubroc known as Prom Picture Guy (uncredited)
  • Tavaris James Durell known as Prom student (uncredited)
  • Cameron Inman known as Team Edward (uncredited)
  • Heather Lamb known as Lady Gaga (uncredited)
  • Ada Michelle Loridans known as Hustler Dancer (uncredited)
  • Jonathan O'Rear known as Parade Goer / Student (uncredited)
  • Stephanie Swart known as Team Jacob Girl (uncredited)
  • Tracy E. Thomas known as Sculptor (uncredited)
  • Wanetah Walmsley known as Snooki (uncredited)



Supporting Department

Makeup Department:
  • Carlton Coleman known as special makeup lab technician
  • Silvina Knight known as co-key makeup artist
  • Michael Moore known as hair department head
  • Matthew W. Mungle known as special makeup effects designer/creator
  • Douglas Noe known as makeup department head
  • Koji Ohmura known as special makeup effects: W.M. Creations
  • Cristina Patterson Ceret known as contact lens painter
  • Richard Redlefsen known as co-key makeup
  • Shunika Terry known as assistant hair stylist

Art Department:

  • Kenneth Brown known as construction buyer
  • Gloria Hardison Clark known as set dec buyer
  • Daniel Coe known as construction coordinator
  • Matthew L. Crowson known as set dresser
  • Mike De La Vina known as props
  • Kathleen Kat Holton known as construction buyer
  • Phillip Joffrion known as set dresser
  • Twig Leveque known as prop assistant
  • Robert Lucas known as leadman
  • Don Miloyevich known as property master
  • Tianna Mockett known as art department coordinator
  • Jessica Navran known as sculptor
  • William Nutt known as on-set greens foreman
  • Darren Patnode known as on-set dresser
  • Daniel Ramos known as utility tech
  • Tracy E. Thomas known as sculptor
  • Jason Wilson known as foreman




Production Companies:

  • Regency Enterprises
  • Road Rebel

Other Companies:

  • Chapman/Leonard Studio Equipment  camera car
  • Chapman/Leonard Studio Equipment  camera cranes
  • Gallagher Entertainment  insurance (uncredited)
  • Intelligent Media  international monitoring agency
  • Lakeshore Records  score album
  • Lakeshore Records  soundtrack
  • Silver Screen Supply  expendables
  • Silver Screen Supply  location services and rentals
  • Silver Screen Supply  portable power systems and cables
  • Soundelux  post-production sound services


  • 20th Century Fox Netherlands (2010) (Netherlands) (theatrical) (through Warner Bros.)
  • 20th Century Fox (2010) (France) (theatrical)
  • 20th Century Fox (2010) (UK) (theatrical)
  • 20th Century Fox (2010) (Singapore) (theatrical)
  • 20th Century Fox of Germany (2010) (Germany) (theatrical)
  • Odeon (2010) (Greece) (theatrical)
  • Twentieth Century Fox C.I.S. (2010) (Belarus) (theatrical)
  • Twentieth Century Fox C.I.S. (2010) (Kazakhstan) (theatrical)
  • Twentieth Century Fox C.I.S. (2010) (Russia) (theatrical)
  • Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation (2010) (USA) (theatrical)
  • United International Pictures (UIP) (2010) (Denmark) (theatrical)
  • Warner Bros. (2010) (Netherlands) (theatrical) (through)
  • 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment Japan (2011) (Japan) (DVD)
  • 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment (2010) (Argentina) (DVD)
  • 20th Century Fox de Argentina (2010) (Argentina) (all media)
  • Castello Lopes Multimédia (2010) (Portugal) (all media)
  • FS Film Oy (2010) (Finland) (all media)
  • Film1 (2011) (Netherlands) (TV) (limited)
  • Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment (2011) (Netherlands) (DVD)
  • Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment (2011) (Netherlands) (DVD) (Blu-ray)



Other Stuff

Visual Effects by:
  • Jordan Alphonso known as digital compositor: Pixel Magic
  • John Bavaresco known as animator: Rez-Illusion
  • Beverly Bernacki known as digital compositor: Rez-Illusion
  • Madalina Bland known as digital compositor: Rez-Illusion
  • Chadd B. Cole known as visual effects artist
  • Carole Cowley known as visual effects producer
  • Michael Curtis known as digital effects artist
  • Anthony D'Agostino known as digital compositor: Pixel Magic
  • Joseph DiValerio known as digital compositor
  • Jamison Scott Goei known as visual effects supervisor: Rez-Illusion
  • Jason Gottlieb known as digital compositor: Rez-Illusion
  • James David Hattin known as compositor
  • Chris Hopkins known as 3D Matchmover: Rez-Illusion
  • Maggie Kraisamutr known as digital compositor: Rez-Illusion
  • Paulina Kuszta known as visual effects coordinator
  • Vincent Lavares known as data manager: Laser Pacific
  • Ray McIntyre Jr. known as visual effects supervisor
  • Derek Meeker known as visual effects coordinator: Rez-Illusion
  • Ben Mitchell known as 3D matchmover: Rez-Illusion
  • Brad Moylan known as compositing supervisor: Pixel Magic
  • Sue Nelson known as digital compositor: Rez-Illusion
  • Sookie Park known as lead compositor: Rez-Illusion
  • David Ridlen known as cg animator/lighting
  • G. Allen Stewart known as compositor
  • Norie Varga known as compositor
  • Norie Varga known as visual effects artist
  • Dione Wood known as visual effects producer: Pixel Magic FX
  • Allan Toellner known as tracking / paint artist (uncredited)

Release Date:

  • Canada 18 August 2010
  • Indonesia 18 August 2010
  • Sweden 18 August 2010
  • USA 18 August 2010
  • Denmark 19 August 2010
  • Hong Kong 19 August 2010
  • Iceland 20 August 2010
  • Lithuania 20 August 2010
  • Romania 20 August 2010
  • Taiwan 20 August 2010
  • Philippines 25 August 2010
  • Australia 26 August 2010
  • Malaysia 26 August 2010
  • Netherlands 26 August 2010
  • Ukraine 26 August 2010
  • Estonia 27 August 2010
  • Latvia 27 August 2010
  • Belarus 2 September 2010
  • Kazakhstan 2 September 2010
  • Peru 2 September 2010
  • Puerto Rico 2 September 2010
  • Russia 2 September 2010
  • Singapore 2 September 2010
  • Finland 3 September 2010
  • Mexico 3 September 2010
  • Norway 3 September 2010
  • South Africa 3 September 2010
  • Trinidad and Tobago 8 September 2010
  • Germany 9 September 2010
  • Austria 10 September 2010
  • Jamaica 15 September 2010
  • Croatia 16 September 2010
  • Slovenia 16 September 2010
  • Colombia 17 September 2010
  • Italy 17 September 2010
  • Israel 23 September 2010
  • New Zealand 30 September 2010
  • Portugal 30 September 2010
  • Brazil 1 October 2010
  • Spain 1 October 2010
  • Belgium 6 October 2010
  • Bolivia 7 October 2010
  • Dominican Republic 7 October 2010
  • Greece 7 October 2010
  • Ecuador 8 October 2010
  • Panama 8 October 2010
  • Vietnam 8 October 2010
  • Egypt 13 October 2010
  • Chile 14 October 2010
  • Ireland 15 October 2010
  • UK 15 October 2010
  • Venezuela 15 October 2010
  • Jordan 20 October 2010
  • Bahrain 21 October 2010
  • Kuwait 21 October 2010
  • Lebanon 21 October 2010
  • Oman 21 October 2010
  • Qatar 21 October 2010
  • Serbia 21 October 2010
  • United Arab Emirates 21 October 2010
  • Bulgaria 29 October 2010
  • Poland 29 October 2010
  • Uruguay 19 November 2010
  • France 24 November 2010
  • Turkey 26 November 2010
  • Argentina 15 December 2010 (DVD premiere)
  • Hungary 2 February 2011 (DVD premiere)
  • Japan 18 March 2011 (DVD premiere)

MPAA: Rated PG-13 for crude sexual content, comic violence, language and teen partying



Filmography links and data courtesy of The Internet Movie Database

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Posted on March 29, 2012 by Harry in Movies | Tags: , .


  1. moviewizguy from United States
    29 Mar 2012, 8:56 pm

    Becca, an anxious, non-vampire teen, is torn between two boys. Beforeshe can choose, Becca must get around her controlling father, whoembarrasses Becca by treating her like a child. Meanwhile, Becca'sfriends contend with their own romantic issues – all of which collideat the prom.

    VAMPIRES SUCK will surprise many people because it's an improvementover the previous spoof films directors Jason Friedberg and AaronSeltzer have been churning out for the past couple of years. However,that's like saying it's the better crap of all crap. The jokes stillaren't funny and the filmmakers still don't realize the differencebetween satirizing and copying. But I would be lying to myself if Isaid I didn't find some good that came out of this film because thereare some improvements.

    First of all, the performances are great by the two leads. In her firstfilm, Jenn Proske does a dead on impersonation of Kristen Stewart.However, it's sad to see her in this because I think she's better thanthis. Matt Lanter also does a great impersonation of Robert Pattinsonin his "pain" look. I don't know what made Ken Jeong come aboard thefilm but he's basically playing the same character in THE HANGOVER.He's not in the film that much, though. Also, I think it's pretty greatthat Carmen Electra isn't in here and I'm sure others will agree.

    The second obvious thing that stuck out to me was that the film focusedon only the first two TWILIGHT films. The filmmakers finally learnedthat spoofing 600 movies is a bad thing. Saying that, the film stilldoes have the many pop culture references, some too random to commentabout. Fortunately, they really did tone it down quite a bit comparedto the previous films where you get one every five seconds. Youprobably get one every five minutes here.

    I also liked the fact that it looked like an actual film because if yousaw MEET THE SPARTANS and DISASTER MOVIE, you'd know the films werefilled with shoddy sets made up in ten minutes. In here, you mightquestion if they stole the sets and locations from the TWILIGHT films.I don't know if this counts as something good but I really think thefilm manages to create a decent storyline from the first two TWILIGHTfilms.

    Overall, the film is still bad because it's rarely funny, although Iwill admit I laughed at some bits that took a jab at the TWILIGHTseries. If the story is better than the jokes itself, you know you gota bad comedy. It's an improvement from the last few spoof films, butthat doesn't say much. I really don't recommend seeing it at all. Ifyou must, just rent it on DVD that will inevitably come out a monthafter the film is released.

  2. Asia Gorton from United Kingdom
    29 Mar 2012, 8:56 pm

    So far, the Twilight films have been extremely disappointing and theyhave all received pretty low ratings from me. I decided to check outVampires Suck, thinking it would be a good laugh. Unfortunately, Icould count the amount of times I laughed on one hand.

    The film was full of cheap gimmicks, badly written lines that were noteven close to being funny and actually, much like the Twilight filmsthemselves, terribly structured with mass chunks of uneventful timefilling.

    The lead actress is a fantastic Kristen Stewart impersonator -literally every twitch, facial expression and bodily movement isspot-on. Even her voice is extremely similar! Having never seen her inanything else however, it remains to be seen how far her acting skillsactually stretch.

    There is really nothing much to comment on, simply because there wasnothing in the film that was really worth noting. Don't bother seeingthis one – simply AWFUL!

  3. badumtssh from United States
    29 Mar 2012, 8:56 pm

    After making the woefully regrettable decision to pay money to see"Epic Movie", I had vowed to stay far away from this movie and anyother with the word "Movie" in the title. But, because I am faint ofheart and/or an idiot, I allowed myself to be talked into watching aleaked version online because A) it was actually pretty funny,according to friends who had seen it already, B) it was only about 70minutes long, and C) this Edward was actually hot. After watching itfor myself, I would agree on all three counts (especially C….daaaaamn).It's no great cinematic achievement, but for a devoted Twilight hatersuch as myself, it was worth a chuckle or two.

    Sure, "Vampires Suck" meets many of the same pitfalls other parodymovies do. It operates under the delusion that anyone out of diapersthinks that a character being bludgeoned over the head time and timeagain for absolutely no reason is comedy gold. It often relies onstupid pop culture jokes (Look! A Jersey Shore reference! It's funnybecause it is a Jersey shore reference!) and unoriginal gross-out humor(it's funny because you want to vomit! Haha!). But, so help me if Ididn't find myself laughing at the way the film mercilessly mockseverything laughable about the Twilight movies, a series that, let'sface it, lends itself pretty easily to parody. In fact, all "VampiresSuck" really had to do was recreate the first two Twilight films prettymuch scene-for-scene, tweaking here and there to make the scenes onlyslightly more ridiculous than the originals. The result is actually apretty clever send-up of the ludicrously over-the-top melodrama thatTwilight lovers eat up. This film holds a mirror up to pretty mucheverything laughable about the series that proves that a wildlysuccessful book/movie franchise does not necessarily need a "plot": therabidity of its fan base; the shameless parade of shirtless males; theidea that teenage Stephanie Meyer…er, I mean, Bella, would be theobject of every hot guy's lust despite being a mopy sourpuss with notrace of a personality; the insistence that Robert Pattinson is "sexy".The actress who plays Bella, or "Becca," as she is renamed, does akiller job parodying Kristen Stewart's mannerisms (hair-tucking,downward gazes, constant lower-lip biting) by which I mean she mimicsthem exactly and everyone laughs at them because they are stupid.Mocking Twilight is not exactly hard to do, but I have to say this filmdoes it quite cleverly at many points. I'll even say that the ending ismagnificent.

    Needless to say, "Vampires Suck" is for members of Team I Want a BoyWho Doesn't Want to Kill Me only, as I'm sure Twilight fans would notappreciate being forced to acknowledge that the thing they love isdumber than a sack of fruit fly larvae. However, since like I said themovie is pretty much just a re-creation of the original Twilightmovies, many of the jokes are best appreciated having actually seenthem. So you'll probably like this movie if you are not a Twilight fan,but have actually seen the movies because A) you were dragged there bya girl whose pants you really, REALLY wanted to get into, B) you werestoned, walked into the wrong theater, and failed to realize that itwasn't The Hangover until it was too late, or C) you are self-loathingand willingly subjected yourself to them out of morbid curiosity (likeme).

    So if you hate Twilight and everything it stands for, take a break fromyour violent (yet strangely erotic) fantasies about Robert Pattinsonand Taylor Lautner and go see "Vampires Suck". It will ease yourtortured soul, and maybe, just maybe, restore a molecule of faith inthe parody genre. It couldn't possibly be worse than "Meet theSpartans".

  4. davewriter2003 from Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
    29 Mar 2012, 8:56 pm

    Normally, I don't review movies on here, but when I read everyone elseslamming this movie, I thought maybe they should get the perspective ofsomeone who enjoyed it.

    As a non-Twilight fan (haven't read the books and don't wish to forreasons to numerous to mention), I was determined to see this movie atthe time when I wanted to tease a Twi-hard that I personally got toknow from my disability social group about it. She refused to see thismovie simply because they make fun of Twilight and Buffy, whichmotivated me even further.

    First off, yes, there were a lot of corny sex jokes, fart jokes, popculture and celebrity references that many reviewers said wore outtheir welcome with projects like Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans. Thatmay be true, but think about this for a minute. We are talking about afranchise that has spent 500 or so pages going on and on about EdwardCullen's "great" looks, using every descriptive synonym known to man,resulting in the most annoying teenyboppers since Benji and Joel Maddenput the oh-so-overrated Good Charlotte on the music map, them and theJonas Brothers. Ask anyone who has hated the Twilight series from thestart, or started to hate it once they got through theirTwilight-gushing phase (in other words, they grew up and developedliterary taste!) Neither the books nor the movies deserve even aquarter of the recognition they got, because all the people behind itwant you to focus on is how a naive, despairing, depressed girl whodoesn't know what she wants getting into a love triangle with a fairyvampire and a werewolf. That and how gorgeous Robert Pattinson looks inhis sparkles and pale makeup, and the same with Taylor Lautner in hisshirtless scenes. The result: hordes of groupie girls going so far asto unrealistically want to have Edward Cullen and Jacob Black'schildren, despite the fact they are fictional characters. It'sridiculous and absurd, to say the least!

    This is why "Vampires Suck" can be halfway appreciated. You can easilylaugh at the jokes in this movie because even those who hated it knowthat this highly overrated saga had this coming all along. And for theaforementioned crimes that this literary atrocity committed, theTwilight saga got the bashing and ridicule it so richly deserved.

    So if you disliked it the first time because it made you think of theunfunny torture you experienced after flops like the Scary Moviefranchise after the first movie, Disaster Movie, Date Movie, EpicMovie, Superhero Movie, and so on, I challenge you to watch this againwhen it comes out on DVD, and think about what the "Twilight" saga hasdone to the worlds of both literature and cinema. I guarantee you'lldevelopa new appreciation for this particular one.

  5. Gordon-11 from Hong Kong
    29 Mar 2012, 8:56 pm

    This film is about a girl who moves into a village that is rampant withvampires. She falls in love with a vampire but she got dumped beforethe prom.

    Seriously, what is the point of making "Vampire Sucks"? It's likeremaking two films into one, but in a really bad way. The supposedspoofs are not even spoofs, but are just re-enactment of scenes from"Twilight" and "New Moon". The story is an amalgamation of the twofilms, but it is fragmented and incoherent. Most of the so called jokesare silly and simply ridiculous. There were a few one liners that mademe chuckle, but most of the jokes were not funny.

    Whatever you do, just don't pay to watch this.

  6. DonFishies from Canada
    29 Mar 2012, 8:56 pm

    Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are the single worst filmmakerscurrently working in the realm of mainstream cinema. This pair ofwriters/directors is responsible for single-handedly destroying theparody genre. I consider their third film, Meet the Spartans, to be thesingle worst movie of the last decade – one which gave us a dozen wellknown and lesser known treasures by Uwe Boll. But where Boll showsambition and dare I say, "style", Friedberg and Seltzer exhibitlaziness and a lack of purpose. These two hacks throw in dated popculture references and steal the work of others, and seem to get awaywith calling it comedy.

    It is funny to note then that their first movie in two years, VampiresSuck, is a parody riffing on the Twilight series. The duo gleefullycrib from Twilight and New Moon, providing us with the tale of new girlBecca (Jenn Proske) who falls in love with the vampire Edward (MattLanter), and all the problems that come with their newfound romance.

    My immediate question, before even beginning to try and discuss thiswaste of time, is why did Friedberg and Seltzer ever think it was agood idea to make a parody of the Twilight series? The films areunintentionally hilarious as it is. And True Blood has been on forthree seasons now, and for all intents and purposes, it is merely adarkly satirical and much more adult version of Twilight. So right offthe bat, these two brilliant minds are mining at something that hasalready been done. I guess it was money, but who would knowinglybelieve Twilight fans would rush out to see a movie bashing theirbeloved franchise much less the haters who would not be caught deadseeing the film as it is?

    It just seems overly baffling to me, what could possibly have madeanyone think this film is a good idea. It recycles the unintentionaljokes from the series, and packages them in a way that either rips themoff lightly or just come off as not being anywhere near as funny asthey were before. I chuckled at a few parts here and there, but theywere only mild chuckles. There is nothing inherently funny or standsout as being hilarious at any given point in the film. PerhapsFriedberg and Seltzer are laughing – but no one else is laughing withthem. I had the good fortune of not having to see this movie in atheatre, but I can imagine the film's showings are silent enough thatthe filmgoers can hear the projector whirling more than they can hearanyone laughing.

    I will give credit however in the fact that unlike their previousatrocities and crimes against cinema-goers all over the world, VampiresSuck does not deviate from its riffing of the Twilight. Charactersstill make dated pop culture references (is anyone in five years evengoing to remember The Kardashians? I barely know who they are now), butno one from other films is just thrown into the film at random. Thefilm never stops to suddenly jump into making fun of another film orfranchise (outside of a total throwaway blink-and-you-will-miss-it gaginvolving Alice from Alice in Wonderland). It stays consistentthroughout, and to me, suggests a minor development of maturity on theparts of the filmmakers. Or of course, they realized there was nowherethey could possibly throw someone like Justin Bieber or Cobb fromInception, and not confuse the audience even more than they likealready are.

    But this consistency comes with a price. Instead of whipping by, thefilm runs at an incredibly slow pace. I fell asleep twice, and somehowbarely missed anything. They do a fairly nifty job of condensing thefirst two films, but it seems like they did not do nearly enoughediting and whittling down. The film easily could have felt a lotfaster paced, but it stalls a bit too much in almost every scene. Andfor a film that runs less than eighty minutes, it speaks a lot for whatthese two filmmakers were trying to accomplish or even what they wantedto show. If they cannot answer that simple question to the filmgoingpublic, then what is the point of even making movies in the firstplace?

    You will need to sift through the increasing amount of junk and wastein Vampires Suck, but Proske is actually fairly good in her role (heracting debut, sadly). She has the Kristen Stewart impression andmannerisms down perfectly, and she almost came off as a better Bellathan Stewart ever has. She also has a commanding aura about her, whichsuggests she is in store for much greater work in the future. As longas she runs away from everyone involved here, I am sure she can provethis soon enough. Unlike her, no one else even remotely stands out oris even half decent in the cast (Ken Jeong and Diedrich Bader go tocomplete waste in supporting roles). They all just go through themotions, and are just as lazy and half-assed as everyone else. Butthen, why should they bother if the filmmakers do not even try?

    Despite being a lot more balanced than any of their brethren, VampiresSuck is still an awful and truly unfunny film that only further provesthe point that Friedberg and Seltzer need to stop making movies. Evenwith a great lead, they still manage to botch the making of this filmand still suffer from many of the problems their earlier films wereplagued by. Years from now, will anyone even remember these films?Better yet, will anyone want to remember these films?


    (This review also appeared on

  7. FilmMan74 from United States
    29 Mar 2012, 8:56 pm

    Before I get into anything, ask yourself what makes this genre work?Direct spoofs of cult pop culture phenomenon, with jokes which won't befunny in ten years. There is a difference when you're making fun of aseries of movies that is so limited and making a real comedy.

    Let's get into the movie then. Basically if you've seen the Twilightmovies, you've seen this movie. It follows the same formula as themovies and characters slightly named differently for copyrightpurposes. But essentially it's just that. Most of the jokes are made upof references to current pop culture phenomenon such as face-book ortwitter, some sight gags and sexual references.

    It worked when it was "Scary Movie" but it got worn out after ScareMovie 2, 3, 4, Epic Movie, Date Movie, Meet the Spartans and DisasterMovie. The formula is dead.

    So what's the problem? Here it is. Unless you've seen all the moviesthey make fun of, or are aware of all the things they are spoofing,then the jokes fall flat. The writers/directors of this film arecontinuing with the same "if it's broke, don't fix it" mentality that'scaused all the aforementioned movies to be made.

    In comparison to the other comedy spoofs such as "Airplane" which ismuch older and funnier than this one, the big difference is longevity.The jokes in this movie won't be remembered after the Twilight seriessinks into obscurity.

    This movie is as much a waste of good paper, electricity to your TVwhile watching this or even Gas to the theater as the Twilight series.Stephenie Meyer is slightly more a waste and contributor to globalwarming as these guys are for making this crap. Only reason why I don'tlike her more is she vomited this garbage on paper which died so shecould spew her post-teenage angst for all the world to see.

  8. DICK STEEL from Singapore
    29 Mar 2012, 8:56 pm

    I wouldn't have watched this if not for a friend who wanted to catch acomedy together, though I must admit I'm still pretty intrigued andamazed at how writer-directors Jason Friedberg and Adam Seltzer managedto continue get money thrown at them to make terrible, unfunny comediessuch as sub par works like Meet the Spartans, Disaster Movie, EpicMovie and Date Movie, the last which to me was mildly amusing. Gone arethe days of the Zucker brothers, and now we're stuck with low-browefforts like what Friedberg and Seltzer continuously dish out, settingtheir sights at whatever's popular genre at the moment.

    And that of course is the phenomenon we call Twilight, where it'salready three films old, and taking its cue from the Harry Potterfranchise, decided to split its last book into two films, done squarelyfor profits. Poking fun at something popular is expected, but to do soin the Friedberg-Seltzer fashion just reeks of desperation. They seemto throw anything and everything into the film, without even dueconsideration if it's funny, or not. There are plenty of sight gags,innuendos, and just plain badly designed scenes that don't flow fromone to another, making it look like a series of school children skitsthat got strung together, hammering wooden pegs into rounded holes, andjokes that's 99% bad, you'll find more pleasure from experiencing longnails clawed against a chalkboard.

    Even more curious is the demographics out to support / watch this film.As I was understandably surrounded by women of all ages who turn out indroves to watch the Twilight movies, I was again equally surrounded bythe same demographics for this one in a near full house. Clearly, Idon't think they're that vacuous to, for a moment, think that theirhighly anticipated sequel film had arrived, or even remotely suspectthat this is a companion film. I suspect though that for all the spoofmovies out there, there's always a great chance that the impersonatorsof their favourite yummy characters will look equally yummy. Sorry toburst your bubble, but Matt Lanter as Edward Sullen is miles away fromRobert Pattinson as Edward Cullen even though both cannot act, andChris Riggi as Jacob White is not Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black eventhough both share equal number of pronounced abs (hmm… maybe thiscould be a reason, Team Jacob was actually out supporting this?).

    The only thing that was the rare shining light in this film, happens tobe Jenn Proske as Becca Crane, who did an awesome job impersonating howKristen Stewart would play Bella Swan, down to all the subtle nuancesthat if Stewart decides to leave her role, then the Twilight producerscan plonk Proske right in. It's really uncanny watching her ham up theBella spoof, but do note that I'm not praising her performance eitheras she's just carbon-copying what another actress had done, althoughpitch perfect.

    I did laugh out loud here and there, but it's laughing at the film inhow it got away with the stupidest of jokes and the absurdity at whothis project could have been green lit by a Hollywood studio (says alot, doesn't it?) I hope Friedberg and Seltzer either learn from thebest in the comedic business, or quit filmmaking altogether. VampiresSuck sucks. Period. And I'm just feeling dirty having to recount what Ihad watched, and to craft a review for it.

  9. sonicingandentering from Foresthill, United States
    29 Mar 2012, 8:56 pm

    Vampires Suck! is the latest film from those who brought you the ScaryMovie series. That being said, I already had fairly low expectations.If you absolutely despise Twilight, like I do, you will probably findthis laughable, like I did. In the movie by itself, there were a fewjokes that gave chuckles, but very few. Now as a spoof of Twilight,this did quite well. I have had the painful memories of having toactually watch those "films," and of the events that happen in thefirst two, Vampires Suck went over nearly all of them and exposed theridiculousness of them. This is really the only redeeming factor thatVampires Suck! has. All in all, give it a try if you hate Twilight,otherwise, stay far away. Don't even rent it.

  10. PrinceNuada from United States
    29 Mar 2012, 8:56 pm

    Okay, here's my review It was basically the EXACT SAME TWILIGHT MOVIESonly condensed into an hour + 20 and with a bunch of LAME jokes(celebrity references, pop culture references, fart jokes, unfunny sexjokes) and really it didn't seem to make fun of twilight the only thingthat really made fun of it was how "Becca" acted just like KristinStewart and Jacob "contract" line and then the ending. The ending wasso stupid. Instead of italy they're at a prom and Ed+Bella get engagedand he "supposedly" turns her into a vampire but then edward is killedby a buncha Jacob fans and the movie ends.

    So, I really can't compare it to the others, it felt like THE EXACTSAME THING as twilight with the SAME camera angles and SAME music onlywith Aaron/Jason unfunny humor. Not ONCE did I laugh, but nor did Ilaugh with any of their other films.

    final verdict, not sure what rating to give this, it just felt like avery long youtube video (Ive seen better actually) and it looks liketwilight fans are actually gonna enjoy it more than non-twilight fans,so sorry.

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